


A Couple of Stumbles

by Psychicninja90



Series: A Bunch of Lucifer Speculation Based and so Ultimately AU One-Shots [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, But he’s just really hurt, Chloe is Angry, F/M, Heavily implied that Eve is manipulative, I always fix what I break, I haven’t seen s4 yet, I really hope Eve is actually nice, I’m sorry, Lucifer acts like a jerk, Not Beta Read, She is also hurt, Spoilersish for season 4 based off of the trailer, There will be comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-09 13:05:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychicninja90/pseuds/Psychicninja90
Summary: Tension was not a strong enough word to describe the atmosphere between them. Not the delicious electricity of sexual want, but it was a pulling, straining thing between two beings that were inexorably linked, yet were desperately running out of fear and pain.





	A Couple of Stumbles

The air stunk of ash and soot and thick with black smoke. Through it Chloe could hardly see the burned building. As she got closer she realized why. Where once stood a building was a black patch of earth marred by the vestiges of the walls, furniture, floors, everything, in the form of small broken pieces of charcoal.

“What happened here?” she whispered.   

“It’s crazy,” a voice spoke next to her and she jumped. Turning she saw that it was the fire chief, who was a younger man that she didn’t recognize. His eyes gleamed with excitement. “No accelerants. No start point. It’s as though everything went up in flames at once. It’s incredible,” he said in awe.

“I’m Jeff by the way.”

Not the word she would use, but she nodded. “Chloe.”

She turned back to the destruction. She had seen fires before, but nothing like this and what Jeff described was impossible. She chuckled to herself wryly. What was impossible anymore? 

“So dispatch told me that you guys found the priest who shot at me and my—Lucifer Morningstar.”

 “Yeah.”

 She gestured for him to elaborate and he winced. “He’s alive. He’s got second degree burns from his proximity to the blaze and someone roughed him up pretty good before sending out that tip, but...” 

“But?” she prompted.

 He shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know how much good he’ll be. When we found him, he was muttering nonstop until the paramedics sedated him.”

“What was he saying?”

A cold dread grew inside her as she was sure of the answer. 

“‘It was the Devil.’”

  
*                        *                        *

His fingers tapped restlessly on the keys unsure of what to play. It should be something celebratory for his successful punishment, but he couldn’t think of anything. Usually he could easily choose a song from his repertoire, but tonight, something didn’t feel right. Instead of songs buzzing in his head there was an annoying itch that sounded peculiarly like Linda pestered him with thoughts he’d rather not have.

‘Don’t you think it’s odd,’ she said in a calm thoughtful voice, ‘that Eve wanted you to hurt that man? That she keeps pushing you to do darker and darker things?’

‘Why do you think she insisted on going with you to the crime scene? On touching you, kissing you in front of the Detective?’

‘What would Chloe think if she knew what you’ve done?’ 

The Detective? The Detective didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. What did it matter what she thought?

‘The greatest lies we tell are those we tell ourselves,’ the phantom Linda replied.  

He scoffed and swallowed his whiskey and told himself it wasn’t to drown out the voices in his head. He needed a distraction.

Just then the elevator dinged and out came the Detective. His heart skipped and his eyes softened, but he quickly hardened them and turned away from her. It was too much to look at her for when he did he could feel the air between them palpably. Tension was not a strong enough word to describe the atmosphere between them. Not the delicious electricity of sexual want, but it was a pulling, straining thing between two beings that were inexorably linked, yet were desperately running out of fear and pain. 

“Detective. I’d say I’m surprised to see you here since you said and I quote ‘I was fine before you and I’ll be fine after you’, but I knew I was far too valuable for you to just toss aside like common—” 

“What the Hell were you thinking?” she growled.

He turned slowly and ignored his fluttering heart at the sight of her beatific face. Even angry, she was stunning. He chuckled, cocky grin in place, and leaned forward into her space. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

She stood her ground. “You set fire to a building. You tied a man outside of it and he has severe burns from it.”

“Imagine how he would’ve looked had I left him in there,” he said darkly.

She narrowed her eyes. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. The only reason I’m here is to ask why.”

“He’s the one who shot at you. He needed to be punished,” he snarled. Just the thought of her being injured sent waves of rage coursing through him. He had to stifle the urge to unfurl his wings and fly to punish the man more, maybe add some lacerations to his burns, maybe wrap his hands around his throat and squeeze until—

“Yes he did. By going to jail.”

“You arrested him, didn’t you?” He walked away from her, trying to not cave from the anger and disappointment in her eyes.

“Yes, but there are a thousand ways you could’ve helped with that. What if someone had been in the building, Lucifer?”

He spun around at that. “There wasn’t, was there?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “No, it was empty, but there could’ve been. Did you even check?”

He sagged in relief because truthfully he hadn’t. He had just been _so angry_. In the moment all he could think of was how that man had almost killed Chloe and Eve was there goading him on and—

He jumped when he felt something gentle and warm on his arm. He was surprised to see it was her; she was touching him and looking at him with concern. Why was she touching him? Why was she looking at him like that? Oh how he was suffused with warmth from such a simple gesture and how he was loathe to admit that he had missed her touch and her soft gaze. He had grown so accustomed to her distance. 

“This isn’t who you are, Lucifer. You’ve changed and not for the better.”

Her words were gentle, but they stung. He, however, kept his face stoic, defiant even.

“What do you know about me, Detective? You’ve been wrong before. Maybe this is whom I’ve always been.”

She frowned and dropped her hand and it took all his self-control to not whine in protest. There were tears gathering in her eyes and he wanted from the depths of his heart to envelope her in his arms. 

“So you’re saying you’ve been lying to me this whole time? Our whole partnership, friendship,” she paused and swallowed, “that wasn’t really you?” 

Of course it had been him. All of their time together was the best in his existence and was, if he were honest with himself, the most _him_ he’d been in a while, but that couldn’t be him anymore could it? Not when she still couldn’t accept him. But he couldn’t say that to her. He couldn’t let her know how badly he wanted her acceptance nor how badly he wanted to go home. The wound of her rejection still bled and he couldn’t, he _couldn’t_ take another from her. But he also didn’t lie and he didn’t want to hurt her any more than he knew he had in the last few days, so he said nothing.

She scoffed.

“I don’t buy it. I know things between us are hard right now.” She sighed. “And I know it’s my fault and I’m sorry, but I do know you. I’ve always known the darkness in you Lucifer and I haven’t cared about you any less because of it. Because I see the light in you too. The Lucifer who cares about victims’ families and justice. The Lucifer who lets my daughter paint his face. The Lucifer who gives me thoughtful and unique gifts, who makes me laugh, who lets me just be me. _I_ know you are a good person. But you have to choose who you are, Lucifer. Not me, not your Dad, not Eve. _You_. And you need to decide soon because you may come to a point where you can’t turn back.”

“Maybe I don’t want to turn back,” he said softly.

Caring hurt, so why go back? 

“Maybe it’s better this way.” 

For the both of them, truly. She deserved someone better than him and he...well he wasn’t sure what he deserved or wanted. Eve gave him acceptance of his Devilish nature, but honestly he sometimes grew weary of the constant partying and punishing and he just wanted to be. And when he tried to just sit with her and _be,_  things felt hollow. No matter how many times she told him she loved him, he couldn’t bring himself to say it back.

He was so confused and the one person with whom he wished to speak couldn’t stand the sight of him anymore. So what could he do? What choice did he truly have?

“Maybe...maybe I choose this.” 

Tears were falling freely now, but not from anger. All he saw in her eyes was sorrow. 

“Like I said that’s up to you.You’ll just have to live with the consequences. Just like I have to live with mine.”

That was what he had wanted right? To be his own man? _Was_ he his own man? Was the Detective correct in her implication that he allowed others to define him? But then what? What if he chose wrong?  

“What do you want, Lucifer?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered and an echo of a previous conversation mirroring this one flitted through his mind. 

_“Could you accept me for who I truly am?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

Those words had hurt him, but simultaneously had given him a little hope. For it meant perhaps she wanted to try. She _was_ trying, he realized. Why else would she entreat him like this? But in this moment when she looked at him, he knew that her strength in this battle was waning for she had fought so many and most of the time alone. Reflected in her eyes he saw what she was beginning to see: he was the Devil.  

The grief in her eyes nearly broke him. He almost gave in and told her how much he missed her and how he wanted to be there for her and guide her through all this. He almost apologized and told her how much he had been remiss in pulling away; how much he wished he hadn’t shoved Eve in her face; how much he regretted wanting to punish her for her rejection. He almost admitted to himself that he was trying to make her fight for him. And he almost was completely honest with the both of them and told her he loved her.  

He almost did. But he instead said nothing. 

“I have to go,” she said quietly. 

Lucifer mused how such small words could have such powerful finality. For then she gave him one last long lingering look, shook her head in defeat and turned and left without looking back. The tension, however, remained.

His heart and mind screamed at him to follow her, to beseech her that he was confused and hurt and had been so very, very lonely, that when Eve had come for him and wanted the old him: the him that cared only about the moment and his desires, consequences be damned; the him that was so easy to fall back into, he had given in because he had thought he had no reason not to. He had thought she had given up on him. Though she had apologized and begged him, he had pushed her away as hard as he could.

The same old song set on repeat: he got hurt, so he hurt back double. Because love was hard and anger was easy, he clung to his betrayed feelings and ignored his better angels that told him to help her through her confusion, be patient, have faith. Accepting defeat was less painful than holding onto hope. And as accustomed he was to pain, he was just so tired after eons of disappointment, that in that moment even for her, he just _couldn’t_ help, be patient, have faith.    

The taut strings between them pulled and pulled until some of them snapped.

So as he watched the one good thing in his life disappear, he feared this time for good, he realized that he’d chosen wrong and perhaps now it was much too late to go back.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone who’s been able to watch today has enjoyed the season! I only have one burning question: Are Lucifer and Chloe okay???


End file.
